Deklan, Marriage, Parenting

Just Ask: Getting Out from Behind the Chair

The subtle sound of industrious chewing pricked my mother-of-a-toddler ears as I laid the littler little down for a nap. Investigating, I stepped quietly into the hallway, trying to locate the source.

“Dex? What are you doing?”

Pause. “I’m just hidin’ and eatin’ cereal so you can’t find-a me.”

Crinkle. Chomp. More chewing. Nervous shift. So he was in my small office, not the living room then.

“D… Where are you, buddy?”

Thinking. The speed of the crinkle-chomp-chew procession increased. He knew the jig was about up.

“Um. In back-a your big chair. Where you can’t find me.”

Surreptitious shifting from behind the recliner that served as both baby soother and blog drafting inspiration point was the final confirmation.

I peeked over the top of the chair to see my firstborn’s dark blonde head bent over the huge box of Lucky Charms my parents had given us the night before, chubby arm liberally dusted in marshmallow sugar and elbow deep in deliciousness. Hearing the creak, Dex sloooooowly looked up from the stolen treat.

“Oh. Hi, Mommy.”

Little boy hiding behind a chair sneaking Lucky Charms straight from the box

The crazy part was, I would’ve made my goofy kid a bowl of cereal!

He only had to ask.

Dex had been up since 6 AM and consumed a bowl of oatmeal and fruit a few hours before sneaking the Lucky Charms.

He was hungry. I was sleepy. Sugar cereal at 10 AM, after a particularly long night with the baby, was not a worthy battle cry. I mean, he’d already had a solid breakfast, assuming he’d eaten it and not hid it in the sink again.

This could be called snack, right?

I could handle the justification! All Dex had to do was ask.

After putting on the appropriately disapproving Mom face regarding his thievery, privately giggling and sending pictures to my family, and storing the cereal on a higher shelf, two things clicked in my head.

  1.  What don’t I have because I haven’t asked?
  2. Why didn’t he ask?

Ye Have Not Because Ye Ask Not -James 4:2

After dinner a couple weeks ago, I silently stewed while shoving rinsed plates into the dishwasher. My back hurt, my feet hurt, I had 400 things to do still before bed, and I was doing the dishes completely by myself.

And I’d totally hinted for help!

“Ughhhh, I have no desire to do dishes!” I had meaningfully grumbled earlier, glancing significantly at my significant other, who was resting back against his chair in utter repletion.

“Yeah, I bet” was the stirring reply.

Later when he finally asked why I was acting huffy (and I finally explained that I’d needed help), my patient husband rolled his eyes skyward and said (half to me, half pleading for divine understanding), “Well, why didn’t you ask???”

I didn’t get, because I didn’t ask.

What else have I missed out on, unwilling to ask, to put myself out there, to open my desires up for disappointment?

How many times have I hidden my hopes behind the recliner, hoping no one would see and maybe judge me for them?

Asking is Opening

Verbalizing our needs and wants, allowing someone else to fill them, is an incredibly vulnerable position. As humans, we tend to avoid vulnerability. An open place is often a dangerous place.

But our relationships with our spouses, our friends, our children, and even with God require openness.

I hate to ask for help. 

I self-identified as “the smart kid.” To ask for help, to ask a question, was to demonstrate that I didn’t know the answer. My self-image was so fragile that I truly believed that admitting ignorance or insufficiency would shatter it.

When I was about 14, my mom got pretty sick for a few days.  At this point, I don’t remember what the ailment was, just that it made an impression! But in typical mom-fashion, she pushed through, driving us to school and keeping things generally running along while she was under the weather. One of these mornings, it was pouring down raining and my mom’s Yukon XL was parked in the yard rather than under the carport.

Mom asked me if I knew how to pull the car up. I immediately said, “Yeah! Of course.”

I definitely didn’t.

Though I’d watched my parents drive for years, I’d missed some of the finer points. Like you have to press the brake to shift gears. Which I worked unsuccessfully to do for about 5 minutes. And let me tell you: A Yukon XL, even by my current standards of regularly driving a full-size SUV, is a BIG vehicle. For a 14-year-old who doesn’t even know how to shift the thing, it’s a rather terrifying and conspicuous aircraft carrier on land.

Finally, my mom came out to rescue a frustrated and tearful me with my little sister in tow, and I fessed up my ignorance. Finally backing us out, Mom showed me how pressing the brake released the shifter in the console, and we talked about how to use mirrors to back up. A few minutes into the ride, she asked that question I used to hate:

“If you didn’t know, why didn’t you ask?”

Honestly, it was because I was scared to admit my own insufficiency, hesitant to open myself to judgment.

But in doing so, I erected walls that actually impeded sharing information.

My tight rein on my own vulnerabilities were even a barrier to friendship.

Because we build in open places.

Relationship. Community. Sisterhood. Our vulnerabilities allow others to stretch out their strengths and touch us.

All I had to do was ask.

Receiving Another’s Request

Why didn’t my son ask me if he could have those delicious Lucky Charms?

Because he thought I’d say no.

Maybe he felt the waves of exhausted tension rolling off me, pushing his needs and wants away.

It concerned me because sneaking isn’t his style. Asking and being volubly disappointed in a resulting “No” is a regular occurrence. But Dex almost always asks.

But in this case, in me, his mama, who has sheltered him and provided for his every need since before his first breath, my son didn’t see an open, safe place to ask.

So he hid.

Making Space for Questions

I strive to raise my children with boundaries and guidelines. We try hard to “train up a child in the way he should go.” Dex is a force of nature and constant ball of energy that I’m nearly always struggling to corral and channel.

But I want my children to always feel safe in their questions.

Because we all have uncertainties. We all have doubts. I still have wants and needs that I need to express sometimes.

Am I making space as a mother, a spouse, and a friend for the asks of others?

What Do You Need?

Help with the dishes?

Information you don’t have?

The key to the dressing room at a store?

Just ask.

12 thoughts on “Just Ask: Getting Out from Behind the Chair”

  1. Hinting, or what a person may think is hinting, is not always hinting, if you catch my drift that is. Great article!

    1. Are you hinting that my hinting isn’t really hinting? LOL Love you hon! Thanks for putting up with me 🙂

  2. – description / Coins

    After you accrual the child maintenance that you deposited will become balance or
    coins in the online slot gambling. tally or coin is what you can sophisticated use to bet and usually
    bank account or coin can be found in the belittle left
    corner of the robot or online slot screen.

    – Jackpot

    The biggest prize you can get taking into account you win a slot is called the jackpot.

    Usually players can win the jackpot as soon as betting maximum upon each round.
    counsel on the number of winning jackpots can be seen in the paytable
    / payment table.

    – Pay table

    In all online gambling, you will find pages or sections that characterize what he can acquire in the slot game.
    in video slots usually upon the screen, the payment table will feat you how to set in motion bonuses or how
    additional betting features accomplish afterward
    scatter or wild symbols.

    – superior Jackpot

    Progressive jackpots lonesome exist on a number of specific machines and are owned by one provider.
    The provider will pay the dealer or agent where the game
    is swine marketed. A well along jackpot will slowly deposit
    subsequently won by the player.

    That’s how many terms you have in slot games that you should
    know about, you can see in more detail in the opinion center in the online slot games that you play.

  3. Agen Judi Online Terpercaya
    Becks-berry as a agen judi online terpercaya provides inclination for the
    best betting places for players in Philippines.
    We provide Sbobet products, where Sbobet has become one of the best and most judi online terbaik service provider sites since its inception in 2004.
    For over a decade millions of players have already been registered as recognized Sbobet members and thousands and thousands
    of folks are attached every day.
    As an international standard company, Sbobet always tries to provide new innovations to people who love and regularly play.
    By simply completing every sporting activities match that is competed, increasing the number of live casino video games and
    online slot machine games that you can rarely find on other sites that make Sbobet among the best options
    to be able to meet and entertain members.

  4. correspondingly far, thousands of players from all beyond Indonesia have been united to the Depoxito gambling agent website to enjoy
    the best online slot gambling games from the leading gaming provider sites in the industry.
    This proves that Depoxito is skillful to present
    the best relieve that is indeed much acknowledged by gambling
    fans in Indonesia.

    Not without reason, Depoxito’s loyal customers choose this site to
    be a partner in crime to show online gambling because
    of the best features easy to use in it. Such as abundant bonuses and promos, kind and
    lively customer service, as capably as a relatively low minimum enlargement compared to extra same sites, and the most important is the
    marginal of the most unmodified and best slot titles.

    In this article we will discuss some of the best online slot provider sites that have worked when Depoxito
    and some game titles that you can pick bearing in mind you become a fanatic upon Depoxito online
    gambling sites. save listening to his financial credit to get the latest guidance virtually the world of online slot gambling in Indonesia.

  5. An outstanding share! I have just forwarded this
    onto a friend who was doing a little homework on this. And he in fact bought me breakfast due to the fact that
    I found it for him… lol. So let me reword this…. Thanks for the
    meal!! But yeah, thanks for spending the time to discuss
    this topic here on your web page.

  6. Greetings! This is my first visit to your blog! We are a team of volunteers and starting a new project in a community in the
    same niche. Your blog provided us useful information to work on. You have done a outstanding job!

  7. One of the best products owned by the online gambling
    site Depoxito is an online slot gambling game.
    This gambling game has been almost for centuries and is yet creature played today.

    The difference is that if this game was played manually taking
    into consideration a mechanical machine, now the slot game has misused to a digital game that is played through software.

    In Depoxito you will find hundreds of types of air online slot games and later than a look that is in point of fact eye-popping.
    For those of you who can’t wait to associate the game, here we
    present a guide to register as a devotee at Depoxito to associate the
    online slot gambling game.

    First, every you have to pull off is visit the credited website of Depoxito and enter the registration page at
    the summit right of the main page, or for more user-friendliness you can comprehensibly
    click the register button.

    After that, you will find a registration form that you must occupy in later than your supreme and
    correct personal data. make clear all the fields are filled when the required data and then unlimited the registration process
    by pressing the “Send” button at the bottom of the
    page. In just a few minutes you will get sworn statement more or less the activation of the account that you just created.
    Easy, right?

    After your account is active, after that you lonesome infatuation to log in by entering the addict ID and password that you have to
    access your Depoxito account. pick slot games upon the E-Games panel and belong to millions of extra players in the
    best slot gambling game in Indonesia.

    Why Depoxito?
    You may be wondering yourself, if there in reality
    are hundreds more gambling sites that present same gambling product services, why should
    Depoxito? To reply this question, of course you infatuation to know in further what
    are the advantages possessed by Depoxito which made many bettor judge to choose Depoxito as their playing partner.

    The bearing in mind are some important features provided by Depoxito that will
    make you more satisfying playing compared to as soon as you
    choose extra gambling agent websites.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *